so this is the last, i give up.

so what’s up world. you’ve been so fucked up uh? always have. i, have, officially, given up. given up on something, an issue, a responsibility that i have been carrying on my back for a very, very long time.

to you, my blood.

i have given up on you. it’s about time i start thinking about myself. for the whole 19 years of my life, i have always lived up taking care of you, ensuring that you’re alright every single day, wait for your return every single night, took care of you when you were dead sick and i have always, always accepted you for who you are. you dissaoint me. i disown myself from you. i have to because my eyes are tired, so tired. so is my head. please, i went through a lot since you went away. the change, the atmosphere at home and the amount of responsibility that i have. you fucked my life. seriously. you waste my tears, you waste my family’s tears, you broke their heart. remember this, you broke my mum’s heart. you broke my dad’s. i will never forgive you. to whoever that is reading this, no, i am not typing this out of anger. trust me when i say its been years since since i’ve tolerated all this, my patience has its limits and its finally worn off. im only human and it’s only right of me to say what i have been keeping in me, for the longest time.

trust me babe, i’ve loved you for you. but you took me for granted, i could barely stand all this bullshit. last night, i swore to myself, that i will never, ever, regard you as my blood anymore. never. and i will never take back my words. i cried out of anger, out of a really broke heart, fuck this emo post but this is really taking all that i’ve got. you drain me out. because of you, my lilfe changed. for the better or for worst, it’s all said and done. because of you, i failed my family. i failed to make my mum a happier person. because you, you cowardly ran away. you cowardly came back an ran away again. you think this is some kinda game, some kinda prank. but bitch i have no time. you toyed with my feelings. you and your fake promises. who ever told you that promises was something that you could make fun of? who taught you? your husband. tell your husband to do som soul searching. tell him to learn about respect. and you, you do the same.

i’ve had it, i seriously have. i poured my heart out, to my heart’s content. i am gonna live my life without second thoughts about you, no regrets, no whatsoever. i am sticking to my religion because in Him i trust, and pray to. yes i admit, i am not a saint, just like you, but at least i know my roots. i know where i belong to. i am not selfish, not like you. throughout my whole life, i lived life the hard way, the easy way, whichever way, i’ve learned one thing. that its only normal to go through differences with the folks, but trust me when i say, things will get easier and smooth sailing once you’re old enough. old enough to understand why they did shit to you. because they only want the best out f you. sadly, they did everything for you but, seems like their sacrifices went down to the drain. sadly.

i do not believe in you anymore. it pains me to type all this down. but for once, and for all, let me finally let out whats been kept deep down in me, for years. you never once spared a thought for me, have you? if you really loved me, you wouldn’t have left me here. the least you could do is give mum a call. you make me sick. you make me pissed, sad. but fuck this shit.

fuck this shit. and fuck your life.

God bless my mum, my dad, my family, God bless me.